Nearly every mom wants the “perfect” education for her child, I think, although we may differ in our interpretation. In some cases we are limited in resources, (time, support, confidence) and in some cases lacking in determination.
I too am looking for a perfect plan, an ideal school for my children. We have fantastic private schools nearby – so it has been easy to put off any decision on homeschooling. I haven’t blogged about education much, and may not in the future. I like to keep these public entries a little more shallow and a lot less controversial. But today I can’t help but share, in a rather rambling fashion, how my opinion is being shaped. The V.T. tragedy, I’m sure, has influenced parents across the nation to re-assess their educational choices, and we are no exception.
Even in my own family there seems to be a *diverse* opinion on education, but here are some of my thoughts:
Having just finished the John Gatto book, Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Education, I have a much clearer idea of what the perfect school (for my children) is not.
It is not:
- an 8 hour daycare program to free me up to run errands or take another job to support a higher standard of living. A surprisingly common determining factor with so many loving moms and often discussed in preschool circles. I admit to considering the convenience (sometimes couched in terms of *need* – until we do the math on childcare) of a second income, and the automatic respect that seems to attach itself to the professional title. But my mind is challenged and engaged so fully in my role as mother, I haven’t once wanted a career to fulfill any esoteric emotional need.
- a series of box like rooms from which my son or daughter is directed to depart/attend with the ring of a bell every 50 mintues
- a rigid, secular academic plan that fails to consider my childs talents or interests. The question for me is not, “Does morality have a place in education?” but rather “Whose morality will have a place in education.”
- an environment which encourages transitory concentration, limits curiosity, and results in an indifferent, ahistorical student who lacks compassion and breathes contempt. This seems to be especially true in larger schools, but Gatto believes that all mass schooling actually damages children in this way. An interesting concept coming from someone who spent thirty (award winning) years teaching in New York City’s public schools.
Gatto’s writing is not religious. In fact, he comes across as a pretty straightforward, New York, regular kind of guy. He appears to have no agenda whatsoever other than wanting to help the next generation of kids avoid America’s educational system completely. He also (accurately, I think) points to television as a central problem for children: the school removes the children from their parents for 8 hours a day, and the tv consumes the remaining 4-6 hours not spent at meals and en route to, or preparing for, another destination or activity. What time is left is not enough to establish a family intimacy: the trust and foundation necessary to develop strong character and the ability to form future permanent bonds in future relationships(in other words he points to tv and modern education as a cause for the high divorce rates and early promsicuity). I’m not sure the author takes into consideration the various types of committed parents who do send their kids to traditional schools with good results (or more rural schools with a high level of parental involvement). But perhaps he is right. Why make our children the guinea pigs in order to test the system? Parents are more important than peers: A relatively new (or revived) concept, and a good answer to the socialization question.
As Karen Andreola points out (in A Charlotte Mason Companion: Personal Reflections on the Gentle Art of Learning)…
“We are educated by our intimacies.“
We as parents are responsible for the forming of good character in our children, but depending on who we delegate this all important responsibility to, we are not always the formative hand. And if given enough time away from us, could they not begin to mistrust, and even scorn, the faith, beliefs and morality I so passionately want them to embrace? Without time, How will I be able to share, in depth, the most important lesson of all?
Charlotte Mason herself wrote on the weight of parental responsibility: “To bring the human race, family by family, child by child, out of the savage and inhuman desolation where He [God] is not, into the light and warmth and comfort of the presence of God, is no doubt, the chief thing we have to do in the world.
And this individual work with each child, being the most momentous work in the world, is put into the hands of the wisest, most loving, disciplined and divinely instructed of human beings. Be ye perfect as your Father is perfect, is the perfection of parenthood, perhaps to be attained in its fullness only through parenthood.
There are a few mistaken parents, ignorant parents, a few indifferent parents, even one in a thousand, callous parents; but the good that is done upon the earth is done, under God, by parents, whether directly or indirectly…
The highest duty imposed upon him, it is also the most delicate; and he will have infinite humility, gentleness, love, and sound judgment, if he would present his child to God and the thought of God to the soul of his child.”
And that, dear readers, is the bottom line for me: the soul of my children, not just their mind, is at stake here. This past weeks’ sadness only bolstering my growing conviction that there is no one more qualified, or at the very least, more determined, to protect, guide and train my children than I. Apart from God, who knows them better? Frail humanity is evident in nearly every part of my character (I cannot dream of attaining the perfection referred to by Charlotte Mason), and I doubt often my patience and creativity, but still I believe, for now, my job is to shape these precious souls in my care, and love them with a gentle manner (hopefully) and truthful answer.
I don’t know exactly how we will “fit in” to the culture of home-based schooling – perhaps we won’t. We like football. And rock music occasionally. We are introverted. And we wear normal clothes. Modest, but not denim skirts to the ankles. (I know I’m stereotyping here, but this type does make up a large majority of very nice homeschoolers) I wear makeup and color my hair. We want our kids to have ski and surf trips and play on baseball teams and throw beach parties and bbq’s, in addition to having a great academic challenge.
Both of us found little value in our expensive, and lengthy, post graduate education. But we believe there is some value in the relationships and networking available by going that route, so we would like to provide an education compatible with, and in preparation for, the best colleges and universities, just in case. Sometimes, however, we hope they choose to be plumbers or painters. Ideally, we want them to be able to create their own destinies, rather than rely on a corporation or firm to provide that for them. I wonder if we will find a group of like-minded families. Maybe, we will even change our minds, chicken out, and go back to the very nice private school in town.
But for now, we are not going to worry about which preschool feeds into which private school which feeds into the best high school with the best football team and the best SAT scores. (Ah, yes, we did think about that for the better part of 2 years – indeed camping out overnight in order to make the list).
Thomas Edison had some pretty strong thoughts on education:
“The most necessary task of civilization is to teach people how to think… The trouble with our way of educating is that it does not give elasticity to the mind. It casts the brain into a mold. It insists that the child must accept. It does not encourage original thought or reasoning, and it lays more stress on memory than observation. ”
I remember as a brand new mom I sought out some advice from a honest, and much respected, homeschooling mother of 5 . Thinking she would give me a nice, crisp answer to my concise request for a reading/writing recommendation. I readied my mental pencil and paper (I had a 3 month old – I was in a hurry!). Instead she looked at me and said gently, “it depends.” At the time I was quite frustrated with this vague answer. Of all women, she was familiar with every decent home school plan out there. Why did she balk at endorsing one? I’m sure she went on to explain the benefits of the ones she had tried, but I wanted ONE DECISIVE answer.
Fast forward nearly 4 years and I’m beginning to understand. Every child is different. (duh) I believed this before I had children, but I didn’t understand this until I had a few years under my belt as a mom. So now I am looking for living books (Charlotte Mason is a newly found, and very enjoyable companion!) that will ignite the love of learning in my home and provide a connection with people, places and things to love, ideas to think upon, and time to enjoy it all. A place for me to study my children and learn how they learn. Projects and crafts, meals and traditions, family and memories. (Although I still have a strong affinity for the Classical approach -especially Veritas Press -when it comes to history and reading) Here are some sites I’ve visited this week:
- Tapestry of Grace
- Preschoolers for Peace (peeling a spud to perfection… a neat blog entry about rejecting mediocrity)
- Blog and MaBlog: entry on Nate Wilson, son of famed Douglas Wilson: he actually wrote a (very good) short story for Esquire magazine, on a napkin. Read it! I’m sure the traditional Christian educational establishment was shocked that he would submit to such a publication! I, for one, was inspired. Talent impacts culture in a meaningful way, and I hope to provide my children with this kind of worldview.
- Vision Forum American Boyhood Collection: the slingshot. Yes, I know, I wouldn’t give it to my (almost!) 4 year old. But I am not a pacifist, and this weeks events did nothing to change that. I want to teach my son about weapons, and how to use them, safely, and I want to make sure he has the character to know when to use them.
- V F Just Like Momma Cooking Set (apron and utensils) aaaaw.
- And this, and this (as if we had room) and this (one at a time, obviously, at that crazy price).
- some of the neatest ideas come from people who may share very different political and religious ideas, but they clearly share the same passion for their children. Soule Mama is one of those blogs, and rather famous. Inspirational site. I think she tends towards the unschooling method? Also visit if you want to see what a log cabin quilt should really look like.
- On the media madness that is TV. Who knew there was any such thing as TV turnoff week?
- A great review on Grace Based Parenting at this blog. We don’t want fear to be the primary motivator when we discipline our children. We don’t feel we need to spank in order to properly, and Biblically, discipline our children. We are also the only ones in our circle of friends and family who believe this. We do not think those who do decide to spank are in any way doing something wrong (unless of course it’s done in anger – which we have not witnessed in any case), but the site provides a nice summary of why we decided to avoid it. Here’s a link to the Grace Based Parenting book at Amazon.
- Natural Childhood looks like a book I’d like to peruse.
- Shepherding a Child’s Heart is another favorite of mine.
- And, like I need another quilt book, this site has a signed version of the next one on my list, Prairie Children and Their Quilts. Can you believe that mini log cabin quilt? Yes, I know. I’m obsessed.
- Here’s a new blog, The Well Drained Mind. Haven’t had much time to read, but it looks cute.
- And, of course, we’ll have to get a special edition of this Geneva Study Bible. (we already have the calfskin) I know what your thinking: Oh great, just what the world needs, another Bible. It does seem like there is a special Bible targeted to every possible audience (teens, single moms, fathers who travel, whatever.) Follow this link if you want to hear my dad and Gary DeMar explain what makes this particular Bible so special, and why I want it in my homeschool. You can get the regular leather edition here, or go to my dad’s website here. Of course I much prefer my dad’s site! Shameless promotion, I know. Four different ways to buy the same Bible!
Neat New (to me) Tool: if you want to do a search of “mom blogs”, this blog (Scribbit) has a special search engine that will help you track down just what you’re looking for (sewing, crafty, alaskan, missionary rock star anyone?).
Whew. All finished with my rant. Next post will be short and shallow, I promise. Domesticity is undervalued and I am undertrained (through no fault of my parents!). Yet I think all these little pieces (sewing, cooking, gardening, even making a quilt) can fit together to make a comfortable home, and (as I was reminded by a friend) a mothers’ major ministry. A ministry I am grateful to have, especially this week. Sometimes simple, but never unimportant.
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I have my first monkey baby. Lauren is climbing up on everything. This is her lowest perch at the moment:
